tis the season

Today was a very bloggable day. I went to one of those huge electronics stores where there appears to be 300 customers and only two employees: an older man who looks like Larry King and a fourteen year old boy. I wanted to buy a 32 inch LCD TV for my 87 year old father so he can better enjoy sports, news, Cops, and occasionally--and oddly enough--Martha Stewart. I asked the fourteen year old for help because I figured at least he could hear me. I chose one of the lesser known brands because it was cheaper and the online customer reviews weren't bad at all.
Long story short: I can't get a picture on it. There is no printed user’s manual, only a CD and of course my parents don’t have a computer. They don’t have an electric can opener. I played with every menu function while Mom shouted important information from the next room like “I FOUND AN EXTENSION CORD.”
As luck would have it, their neighbor arrived to deliver the retirement community’s newsletter, and suddenly I had an extra old person in the house. Perfect.
We have a guy from the cable company scheduled to arrive between 11:00 a.m. and the 4th of July.

I had better luck with my Target shopping for Mom. She wanted a big electric griddle to make pancakes on. A woman who saw it in my cart commented that “someone is going to have a merry Christmas.” At first I thought she was being facetious and I thought Screw you, or maybe I said it out loud . . . . I felt somehow obligated to point out the special features that make it more than a cheap-ass kitchen item. Then I realized she was serious and she told me that she loves hers. Later, when I was checking out, the cashier said “Oh, I can almost smell breakfast now!” Again, I pointed out the features because there were only seven people behind me in line.

Tonight I ended the day with a festive trip to a kitschy tourist attraction with JazzHands to see their holiday light display. JazzHands and I drank rum and cokes and fed the flamingos. Well, she fed them because I was afraid of sliding in the muck on the edge of the pond. And besides, I think my body type attracts them in an odd way--I think they want to mate. I bought a plastic lemur in the gift shop. You can’t have too many of those. Or extension cords.