A kick in the gut

My friend JazzHands sometimes comments that she’d like to kick someone “right in the gut” or sometimes in “their fat gut.” It always seemed out of character because she’s a pretty little thing who’s taken to wearing colorful scarves. But today I was ready to do some gut kicking on a verbally abusive patron. My desk partner at the time calmly walked away from this man. I think she is able to do this because she’s Buddhist. As a Catholic, I believe you can open a can of whoop-ass and just go to confession the next day.

But instead, I made some comment that I cannot repeat, not because it was obscene, but because it was so ineffectual . . . as if I had said “I know you are, but what am I.”

It’s just lucky for this man, and I use the term loosely, that I am a woman, and a slightly built one at that. In fact, that’s lucky for a lot of people.


Speaking of cans of whoop-ass, the first time I used that term I mistakenly said ass-whip. My boyfriend at the time noted that ass-whip sounded like a condiment or topping that one might find at some sort of wild party.


I don’t think my sweet and sour chicken is agreeing with me. I like the 2nd Darrin on Bewitched and it likes the 1st.