possible solution

Jazz Hands suggested that I hang the bird feeder from a pole and put something like Astroglide on it so that the squirrels can't climb up.
That would also be a fun prank to play on a stripper.

S. suggested that I order the Filet-O-Fish without cheese next time. I did and it was much better. This has nothing to do with birds, squirrels, or lube......unless you like tartar sauce in ways most do not.